


On The Care and Keeping of Vulcans

by Quill_of_Thoth



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Kirk Prime ships young Kirk and young Spock, Kirk Prime writes an instruction manual, Memo fic, Meta, Post-Star Trek (2009), built out of headcanons, cuddling strongly advised, not Into Darkness or Beyond compliant, unwanted advice from your older counterpart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8296465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quill_of_Thoth/pseuds/Quill_of_Thoth
Summary: Kirk Prime is deposited by the Nexus on New Vulcan and Spock Prime informs him all about the new universe. Kirk is not pleased with his young counterpart’s treatment of new Spock, so he writes a guide to the care and keeping of half-Vulcan first officers.It still needs some editing. Actually, lots of editing. Giving your younger counterpart that much obvious relationship advice constitutes a violation of the temporal Prime Directive.





	

** Introduction: How to Befriend Your First officer **

 

Vulcans, especially certain half-vulcans, are not easy to befriend. Merely defying the odds together is not enough, especially in the wake of Vulcan’s destruction. I don’t need to tell you how vital being able to work with your first officer is, so make the effort. You won’t regret it.

Usually, the easiest way to befriend a vulcan is to show them that you respect them and take their culture and their logic seriously. It’s a method that takes some time and patience, but produces excellent results. Unfortunately, it’s possible that in this case, that ship has already sailed, so you’re going to have to do it the hard way. Apologizing will help, but it won’t be enough, try to show your first officer that you value him in more subtle ways. Learn all that you can about taking care of your vulcan.

 

** Hobbies and Pastimes **

 

Chess: This is an excellent excuse for prying him out of the labs. Tell him that strategy games are a logical way for a command team to discover each other’s strengths and weaknesses or something. If you don’t know how to play Tri-D, have him teach you. You might get him to try other board games, but his mom’s the one who taught him to play chess, so it’s his favorite whether it’s logical to have preferences or not.

Music: Spock plays the vulcan lyre. Unless you are significantly more musical than me, leave the actual jam sessions to Lt. Uhura, or Scotty. Under no circumstances is Ensign Kevin Riley to be considered as part of any ship’s musical group. Ever.

Science: This barely counts as a hobby, since it’s his job, but expect to listen politely to the _fascinating_ results of whatever his department has cooked up that week. Spock is especially fond of astrophysics stuff, and fun new life forms, but generally stays out of botany, because plants more or less unanimously hate Spock. Seriously, he once got kidnapped by flying plants that wanted to clone him. Plants that aren’t sentient tend to attack him too, as well as amorphous glow creatures, and pretty much every form of electricity. And salt vampires. And petulant energy beings whose naptime started a few million years ago.

Sniping at Bones: Trust me when I say that it almost never pays off to get involved. Weird as it is, they both seem to like it.

Paperwork: This is also not a hobby, but it’s a great excuse to get him to indulge your “emotional human need for socialization.” From what I hear about your first few missions, it’s probably the best shot you’ve got at mending fences, so take it seriously. It will also mean that your paperwork actually _gets done_.

 

** Logic **

Logic is flexible. Learn this early, because this _logic_ is going to be used against you as often as not. Fortunately, vulcans are not the only people in the federation capable of using logic, and you can use it as an excuse to befriend your first. Tell Spock that it’s _logical_ to promote a good working relationship between commanding officers, and he’ll eat it right up. Furthermore, it’s _logical_ to promote said relationship by spending leisure time together and for him to indulge your human need for companionship at the same time. Expect initial resistance, but soon enough he’ll be acting like it was his idea all along. You’ll get the hang of it soon enough.

 

** Anatomy **

Heart: The vulcan heart is located somewhat on the right side of the body, under the false ribs, or as Bones would say, where their liver should be. Take all blows to the abdomen _extremely seriously_ , even if your first officer attempts to shrug them off. 

Vulcan hearts beat at about 206 to 265 BPM, which is about three times what yours should be doing. You won’t be able to count it for very long, especially because vulcan blood pressure is so low that it’s hard to find the pulse in the first place. ~~You can hear the heart if you put your ear over the sixth through eighth ribs, right by the cartilage.~~

Second Eyelid: I won’t lie, it looks kind of weird. Vulcans’ second eyelid comes in handy for protecting their eyes from dust and excessive UV exposure, which must be logical for a desert dwelling species, though like the human appendix, vulcans tend to forget it’s there until it causes problems. It can be irritated, especially by fumes, at which point it becomes swollen and just gross. (Leave all arguing about how it can’t be logical to continue to work in that condition to Bones, at least until he’s worn Spock down enough to make him see sense. Trust me on this, you won’t regret it.)

Ears: ~~Unfortunately, sucking on them does nothing. Try rubbing his scalp right behind them instead.~~ Vulcans have significantly more sensitive hearing than humans. Your first officer can hear everything that you mutter under your breath from the captain’s chair. Learn some restraint, it will be good for you.

Body Temperature: Vulcans run at 91° farenheit (about 33° C), and they like it nice and toasty. An adult Vulcan in good health can deal with both very high temperatures, and uncomfortably chilly temperatures, though they’re at something of a disadvantage compared to humans when it gets below zero, since it’s a lot easier for their bodies to cool off than it is to warm up. They may keep going longer than a human, by shutting off pain receptors, but they’re a lot harder to treat for hypothermia. All of this gets shot to hell when they’re sick or injured, so make Bones stock up on heated blankets in the sickbay.

Hands: Vulcans’ hands are the most telepathically sensitive region in their body, especially the index and middle fingers. ~~They’re also fairly physically sensitive, but only to living stimuli. Picking up a rock isn’t any more exciting for Spock than it is for you, but a finger kiss is a lot more like a human-style kiss for him.~~ For the time being, keep yours to yourself.

Laughing Gas: Not an anatomy issue, but keep your first away from it. Turns out that it makes it hard for vulcans to breathe, leading to them passing out, and waking up with a killer headache. If you don’t get your Vulcan to clearer air, he could suffocate.

****

** Touch Telepathy **

The polite thing to do with touch telepaths is _not to touch them_ if they don’t want you to. (The polite thing for everyone, really.) That said, there will be times where you do have to grab your first officer and get him out of the way of exploding bridge consoles or angry first contact species, so when at all possible, avoid skin contact. Go for the elbows or bicep, not the hand. Putting a hand on his back or shoulder is also usually safe, especially if you can’t tell whether or not his shields are intact.

Vulcans can become overwhelmed by their touch telepathy, which is why they tend not to touch anyone. However, being cut off from the sense entirely is disorienting and painful to them, as it is to all telepaths, and vulcans manage the input by means of constructing telepathic shields during meditation, which helps insulate them from outside emotions while they process their own. These shields are reinforced by the spiderweb of bonds that every vulcan forms with their clan and bondmate, and can be damaged by mindmelds gone wrong, injury, or traumatic experiences.

Your first officer’s shields, and therefore his control, are likely very weak right now. ~~I’ve heard you already managed to discover that the hard way, so _don’t do it again_.~~ I don’t know what effect the destruction of Vulcan, and the majority of Spock’s clan, is going to have on his telepathy and his health, but it isn’t going to be good. It is extremely likely that you will have to deal with a telepathically overwhelmed vulcan sooner, rather than later. Find him a quiet place to recover – the turbolift will do in a crisis – and get on with saving the ship. Afterwards, it’s most effective to find a heavy blanket, wrap him in it, and have him lie down somewhere private, like ~~your~~ his quarters. Eventually, he will be able to sleep or meditate. Keep an eye on him: Spock is very stubborn, and may attempt to sneak off and resume his duties, even when he’s in no shape for it.

There are some situations where physical contact is good for your first officer, not that he’s likely to inform you of that. Vulcans reinforce their telepathic bonds via touch (which is the reason for that finger-kissing stuff,) and this universe’s Spock frankly doesn’t have many bonds left, so you’ll have to be sneaky about letting the crew take care of him. Use your best judgement to determine when he feels comfortable enough around you to allow you to touch him, and start small. In a crisis, you may need to throw the no touching rule to the winds; when you do, attempt to project, as strongly as possible, a sense of calm and safety. Let him lean on you to ground himself, especially if he’s suffering from a bad mind meld or some other kind of telepathic interference. In private, you might find it helpful to rub his back. At this point he’ll probably make some sort of comment about “indulging your human need for reassurance,” which sounds dismissive but is really the excuse he’s giving himself for letting you cuddle him.

 Hugging your first officer is also a valid strategy for dealing with emotional compromise, the influence of alien substances, and identity crises such as being split into two, being cloned, being in the wrong body, and impostors who look like you. It is almost _always_ more efficient than attempting to goad him or otherwise force a negative emotional response. ~~You’d better take this to heart, or we will have _words,_ mister~~.

****

** Meditation **

Vulcans use meditation to organize and categorize their emotions, to repair their telepathic shields, and to strengthen their awareness of their existing bonds. Vulcans who are better than most at the mental arts may also use it for other things, but for the most part meditation in a vulcan has many of the same functions as REM sleep for a human; this is in part why vulcans have better memories, because they are in better control of how they are stored. An adult vulcan needs, on average, five or six combined hours of sleep and meditation per day. If your vulcan tries to go without either, especially by taking extra shifts, he’s ignoring his own needs and you should attempt to make him see how illogical that is ~~… good luck with that.~~

If a vulcan has been meditating properly they can forego sleep for a while, and they can skip meditation to get more sleep when needed, though going without meditation too long can cause them to need to do a lot of repair work when they next get a chance. Spock tells me it can also make it difficult for them to achieve a healing trance, as well as control their emotions and telepathy.

Right now, every vulcan is going to need as much meditation, and sleep, as they can get. If your first officer isn’t getting in eight hours, he’s going to succumb to exhaustion sooner or later from dealing with his telepathy, his broken bonds, and the emotional backlash from the destruction of Vulcan the hard way.

Unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do for your vulcan to promote proper meditation besides making sure he takes the time for it. Since the broken bonds and emotional stuff is likely what would keep him from meditating productively in the first place, expect this to be an ongoing issue for a while. Plenty of patience and ~~gentle affection~~ understanding will be needed to take proper care of your vulcan in the coming months.

****

** Mindmelds **

Vulcans are somewhat casual with mindmelds among family, which is how they reinforce those clan bonds of theirs. _Your_ vulcan, however, has a penchant for boldly melding where no telepath has gone before, which can be very helpful in dealing with hostile aliens, non-coporeal beings, and occasionally artificial intelligences. It can also lead to exhaustion, disorientation or telepathic overload, especially if he has to sort through violent alien emotions, the being he melds with has hostile intent, or he hasn’t been sleeping or meditating enough. Occasionally he’ll find a life form that is so incompatible or emotionally distraught that the mental connection causes him pain, but interference is almost always a bad idea. Once the meld is over, he may need your help to regain his balance or find a place to recover, but skin contact should be avoided until he is in better control of his shields.

After a bad mindmeld, be wary of the following:

Headaches: He will attempt to ignore these and continue working, whether he’s actually needed on the bridge or not. The only thing that Bones can give him for them makes him nauseous, so he’ll resist going to sickbay on the grounds that it isn’t efficient or logical. If the headache lasts more than a few hours or interferes with his meditation, make him go anyway.

Emotional Transference: He may withdraw for a period of meditation in order to organize and deal with foreign emotions. Let him. But check in occasionally to make sure he remembers to eat.

Exhaustion: Mindmelds, especially with strange new species, are pretty draining. There is a limit to how much information even a vulcan can deal with. Keep an eye on Spock’s schedule post-landing party and make sure he takes enough time off to meditate _and_ sleep.

 

** The Healing Trance **

Badly injured vulcans will go into a healing trance that slows their heartbeat and breathing, and gives them some control over their blood flow and other bodily functions. Although you should hope that you’ll never see this, you probably will; expect Bones to freak out, because those readings on a human would mean that they’re going into shock. The healing trance is an automatic response to injuries dealing with dangerous amounts of blood loss or organ damage, but vulcans who are less badly injured can also voluntarily enter a healing trance to speed up their recovery time, or manage pain, although there are some risks involved. Your first officer might need a little help to return to consciousness after a healing trance: you may have to slap him awake, though for lighter trances a quick pinch to the inner elbow is usually enough.

Don’t let Spock fool you: after coming out of a healing trance he won’t be back to one hundred percent. vulcans can speed blood clotting, reduce tissue inflammation, and concentrate on their immune response in a trance, but they’re on their own when it comes to nutrition, bone healing, and blood loss. Even if the physical damage is repaired, he’ll still need plenty of rest and to be kept as warm as possible, so listen to Bones about whether or not your vulcan is fit for duty, rather than your workaholic first officer.

****

** Telepathic Bonds **

Vulcans are primarily touch telepaths, but bonded individuals enjoy an increased degree of communication from greater distances. This does not, as many people think, translate to holding conversations with a bonded partner across the ship. It functions as a physical and emotional resonance, meaning that a vulcan is aware of the general location and status of all the people they have bonds to, to a certain degree, and only over reasonable distances. A vulcan living within a few hundred miles of a clan member will potentially be aware, for example, that they are alive and well, that a child has been born, or if their clan member is in great danger, assuming that their bond with them is reasonably strong and regularly reinforced. Bonding is initiated by multiple instances of prolonged telepathic contact. Bonds may decrease in strength with a prolonged lack of contact, but never disappear entirely while both parties are still alive. A vulcan may have dozens of dormant bonds, usually to clan members, and never think about them under normal circumstances.

Vulcans bond strongly as children to their parents or caretakers, as well as to any siblings or cousins they may be living with, though their telepathic connection becomes less strong as they mature, and as adults to their life partners. Some ancient houses still betrothe their children to one another in order to guarantee them a life mate as they mature. ~~This is, frankly, bullshit, but that’s what happens when the clan of a certain ambassador has to act more Vulcan than Surak in order to prove something.~~

The bond also facilitates mind melds. Most vulcans are capable of maintaining sufficient shielding that even when in skin contact, direct communication does not happen without the permission of both parties.

****

** Pon Farr **

If your first officer becomes moody, withdrawn, and actively hostile to food, his pon farr may be upon him. Vulcans reach reproductive maturity at their first pon farr, but they’re legally adults before it. It occurs approximately every seven years, though space travel, exposure to certain chemicals and microbes, and the cycle of a bonded partner may throw it off. When pon farr starts, vulcans lose control of their emotional responses due to the sudden influx of hormones, and can die if those hormones are not stopped, either by mating or by fighting. (It seems that the adrenaline rush supersedes the new hormones, but since vulcans in the later stages of Pon Farr have little control over their faculties, this is a very dangerous method. ~~The alternative is much easier for everyone involved.~~ ) A Vulcan strongly bonded to their mate may start sympathetically producing pon farr hormones some time during their mate’s cycle, but this does not always happen.

Nearly all male vulcans experience pon farr, usually in their early to late twenties. Some, but not all, female vulcans also experience it. In most cases, the condition is not allowed to progress to plak tow, the blood fever, which is the point at which vulcans loose all their logic and control of their behavior and are in danger of dying from sheer hormonal stress.

Vulcans can survive pon farr without completing a mating bond, but the bond goes a long way towards keeping both parties in tune with each other and relatively under control, which means it’s a very good idea. Most vulcans are betrothed as children to ensure that someone mentally compatible is available during their first pon farr; the pair isn’t considered married until they have been together through at least one pon farr, and a marriage ceremony. The creation and dissolution of these bonds is usually supervised by a healer to prevent any telepathic damage, as a vulcan won’t have much control of their telepathy if the bond is formed during pon farr, and by custom vulcans do not arrange for a bond to be officially dissolved unless all affected parties have secured alternate options for their next pon farr. Couples may also choose not to undergo a marriage ceremony and simply remain preliminarily bonded for many cycles.

Expect your first officer’s some time during his middle thirties if nothing disastrous happens. In this timeline, he may or may not have a betrothal bond with a vulcan woman named T’Pring, ~~who is a cold, calculating denebian slime devil~~ , who is possibly telepathically incompatible with him, ~~and probably shacking up with another vulcan guy named Stonn~~ , and will likely take the opportunity to divorce him. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but I’m sending you a pamphlet on vulcan cultural practices surrounding pon farr just in case.

 ~~Pon Farr really only scary the first time. Stock up on lube, and take care of it before it reaches plak tow, and everything should be fine~~.

****

** Kohlinar **

Kohlinar is a terrible idea. It is the worst idea to ever come out of Vulcan, and also the stupidest thing that your first could possibly do. Seriously, prevent it if at all possible. Do everything in your power to let your first officer know that he has plenty of other options. ~~Do not make the same mistake that I did~~.

** Assorted Advice: **

\- Spock has a weakness for furry animals. This includes cats and, unfortunately, tribbles. 

\- Don’t let Sam, or anyone else for that matter, go to Deneva.

\- Memorize some of the more common chess gambits, and then do whatever you can to throw them off, including sacrificing pieces. It drives Spock nuts.

\- If you ever have to put Spock’s mind and body back together (due to brain-stealing aliens, psychotic plant aliens, psychotic human throwbacks, temporary death… trust me, space gets weirder the more time we spend exploring it,) try very hard not to freak out. It only distresses him, ~~and sensing your fear through the bond can actually impede his recovering his memories, since he’ll have to spend more time dealing with your emotions and he’ll have less energy for everything else.~~

\- He can tell when you’re faking being less injured than you actually are. Eventually he’ll learn to team up with Bones and then they’ll both make your life hell for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Information on vulcan physiology comes from either memory alpha or memory beta where there were no definitive primary canon sources. Anyone who wants to talk to me about body temperatures is totally welcome to, because mammalian body temperature is not determined by a) environment, b) size. Some extrapolations have been made from these sources.
> 
> Vulcan culture headcanons have been inspired by or mashed together from various sources that I bookmarked on another computer. If you recognize yours, give me a wave. 
> 
> Also, the word vulcan is in this fic so many times that I can't spell it anymore.


End file.
